Michael.

I saw it coming when Mercedes announced last week that they have closed the deal with Lewis Hamilton for a drive in 2013. 

I thought I will be ready for it as it is the second time around, but apparently, I was not. It still hit me hard. Hit me strong. Like a blow to the stomach and a crushing feeling in my heart. I felt sick and gutted. 

I really never understood my passion for Michael. Never understood why I follow him with so much intensity. But I love the way he makes me feel, makes me feel alive whenever I watch him race, battle, or just a simple wave or wink to the camera. I guess his passion for his sport exudes him that we are able to feel it and see it whenever we see him. 

I blame Michael for making me feel this way. His comeback opened up the fire inside of me and his magic captivated me again. And now, he breaks millions of hearts again for the second time around, and mine is not exempted. I thought 2006 will never happen again, and I was happy to be able to finally move on from the great emptiness and void that Michael left during that year. But here we are again, just like deja vu. It's all happening anew and it is just as painful as it was 6 years ago. I had moved on, Michael. But you came back. And then you leave us again so soon? I hate you for doing this. But you know, for this time only..the saying "the more you hate, the more you love" applies. That is just the way I feel.  How can I hate the one I look forward to every fortnight, stay up late if I have to, just to see you finish the race? Your announcement to retire came at a time in my life where everything felt like falling apart, and I was able to gather strength from your retirement speech on "how losing can be both more difficult and more instructive than winning..that you have to live your convictions." I always felt you were special, but this just made you extra special. You were able to reach out to someone without realizing it. And for that I thank God for you. 

I have written before of how thankful I am for all the things you did for me, and I write it again this time. I thank you for making every other weekend a weekend to look forward to, for making each race exciting (whether you are up there in the front or way back), for making me forget my worries once in a while. I thank you for coming back and allowing me to watch you race live, meet you and feel star-struck for the first time in my life. So star-stricken, that I forgot what happened and couldn't speak clearly when you were right there infront of me. Good thing, I got my souvenir signed so I thank you for that as well! And simply, I thank you for being the hard core racer that we knew all along. It's hard to be your fan, to defend you from the intense Schumi-haters, but I never regretted being your fan and will do it again and again if I have to. 

And so, I look forward to your remaining races. I desperately wish you win one because you truly deserve it. This comeback may not have been successful statistically, but always remember, you are a 7-time Formula One World Champion. You've got nothing to prove to anyone. Danke Michael.